Though weddings are a great venue for meeting different people and expanding your social network, there are certain ‘types’ who are permanent fixtures at every such happy occasion, sometimes adding to, sometimes taking away from the ‘happy-ness’ of it all.
- The Patriarch. This head of the family or ‘Godfather’, is usually the grandfather of the bride or groom. Everyone is expected to pay homage to him, see that he’s comfortable, has enough food, and shout pleasantries like “You must be so proud” in his ear. Not that he’s listening… he’s zoned out because it’s way past his bedtime.
2. The Rishta Aunty. Her ‘roving eye’ will give her away, and if you spot her, run a mile before she spots you. She’s a woman on a matchmaking mission, for other people’s children if she doesn’t have any of her own.
3. The Food Architect. Another person you can’t miss. As soon as dinner is announced this particular guest will make a beeline for the table, and proceed to construct a food pyramid on his plate the size of K2.
4. The Lost Child. This toddler will either be running around in circles, wailing “Mummeeeeee”, or sitting in a corner emitting heart-rending sobs. If you want to help, look for ‘Mummeee’ on the stage where she’ll probably be posing for group photos.
5. The ‘Nostalgic’. This dewy-eyed uncle or aunty is consumed with nostalgia, recounting every single incident in the life of the bride or groom (depending on who they’re related to), insisting that all this is only ‘kal ki hi baat’. If you’re sitting next to this person, it’s a good idea to set an alarm on your phone and safely doze off for a couple of hours.